it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I stole a fireplace last night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize