how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
