somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
