the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
