need another drink. this is the easiest way
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
