so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
