My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
