I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
