He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
