Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
