The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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