Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
