Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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