im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
