I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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