One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
