i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
