Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
