Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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