Me too!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
