Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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