You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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