do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
