do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
