How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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