Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
