You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
