Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
