I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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