i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
