PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
