matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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