drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
