At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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