You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
