Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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