I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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