Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I deserve this hangover.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
