Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
