I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
