I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
