We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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