doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
