operation harelip BJ is a go
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
