I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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