I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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