Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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