sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
