I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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