So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
