she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
