is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
