I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
