even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
