Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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