Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
