I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
