Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
