The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize