I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize