I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
