first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
