Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
