i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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