you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
