Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
