I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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