I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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