he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
