I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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