i permit you to call me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
