smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
