turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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