Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We need to rekindle our bromance
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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