Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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