Umm I'm too high to move.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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